


The research nerd, the storyweaver and the guru in their life

by evakuality



Series: The research nerd and the storyweaver [3]
Category: SKAM (Norway)
Genre: M/M, Trans Male Character, trans Even
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-26
Updated: 2019-03-26
Packaged: 2019-12-18 02:58:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,929
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18241004
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/evakuality/pseuds/evakuality
Summary: Eskild uses his guru powers for good as he talks to both Isak and Even in the wake of Isak's newfound discovery that Even is trans.Part of the series, but can stand alone.  Eskild PoV.





	The research nerd, the storyweaver and the guru in their life

**Author's Note:**

> Many thanks to my beta reader who was a wonderful cheerleader through this and always makes things better. Your discussion and insight is so valuable, as are your beta skills!

Eskild is sometimes accused of being a little dramatic.  Some people suggest he’s over-dramatic, even. Which honestly would be  _ offensive _ if it weren’t also a little bit true.  But often along with that suggestion comes the idea that Eskild is unobservant, that he doesn’t notice when the people around him are hurting.  That he never notices when the people in his care are changing or distracted.  _ That’s  _ not true, though.  Eskild sees almost too much, sometimes.  He sees things that make his ducklings (he thinks of them as his stray little ducks, okay; that’s not  _ that _ weird) turn brittle or angry or, heartbreakingly, deeply unhappy.  

Those days, Eskild wonders if he should sometimes step outside of his role as ‘funny, cheering mentor’ and wonders whether he  _ should _ insert himself into the problems, or whether he should keep letting people figure themselves out.  There are times when he feels like he has to, and his impulse to help overcomes his knowledge that it isn’t actually his business.  When the problems become too big or are so immediately urgent that he just has to act. When Isak was drunk and crying in a gay bar in the middle of the night, for instance.  Or when Noora was so unhappy she stopped eating. But maybe Eskild doesn’t always have the  _ best _ solutions, even though he cares, and perhaps there are times when his interventions don’t work all that well.  Which means maybe people don’t always love it when he tries to help.

So Eskild has learned to sit back and observe, to wait things out and see if any guruing might be needed.  So it fell out with Isak. Eskild watched him through his anxiety-ridden coming out, through a series of meaningless one night stands and casual boyfriends.  He watched as Isak grew and became more confident and comfortable in who he was. Watched as Isak learned how to say, “I’m gay” without blanching and glancing around to see who would fight him on it.  It has swelled Eskild’s heart to see Isak turn into the happy young man he always knew was there under the surly and gruff exterior. True, Isak seemed a little distanced from the men he brought home. They never lasted long, those men, and Isak always wore a stiff little smile when one walked out of his life after too few days together.  It’s not been Eskild’s ideal for Isak, doesn’t seem like something Isak has wanted even if it seems like the perfect life to Eskild, but Isak has still seemed happier. More free. So Eskild has cheered him on and let him be amid a chorus of ‘fuck you, Eskild’s.

Then a few weeks ago, Isak began to change again.  The confidence remained, but a slow smile would often bloom at the corner of his lips and his eyes would dance with delight as his fingers skimmed over his phone.  He became softer, somehow. Disappearing from the kollektiv for hours at a time and always returning with a secretive smile curling around his mouth and his feet light and almost dancing.  “Good evening?” Eskild would ask, and an impish smile would grace Isak’s face as he shook his head, dragged his phone out again and made his way to his bedroom. From which bubbling giggles would emerge at regular intervals.  It’s been nice, seeing Isak the way Eskild always knew he could be. Eskild assumes there’s someone. A someone who seems a little more important than the barely remembered men, someone Isak is trying to keep to himself. Hopefully, Eskild thinks with a grin, because Isak is boning him  _ good _ at his house and it’s serious enough that Isak doesn’t want to jeopardize it.  So he aims a few barbs at Isak’s retreating back each day and then lets him be.

That’s changed now, though.  Isak’s face is white and strained as he walks in the door.  There’s no tiny smile on his lips and no lightness to his step.  His eyes are dark and wide, and his fists clenched.

“Halla, baby gay!” Eskild calls cheerfully, keeping a watchful eye on Isak’s face as he does so.  Isak’s mouth twists into what looks like a frown, and his eyes glisten a little. There’s something pained in the way that mouth curves this time and Eskild’s heart sinks.  Something happened, that much is obvious. 

“You want to come watch this movie with us?  Linn is complaining that it looks too explodey, which means it must be our sort of thing, Isak.”

Isak swallows and shakes his head.  “No thanks, Eskild. I’m … I need to do some … some research.”

“Okay, baby gay,” Eskild says, keeping his voice light even while a frown wars with the pleasant smile he’s trying to maintain.  “You’re missing out, though.”

Isak’s smile is small and pained and he shrugs carefully as he makes his way through to his room.  Eskild follows him with his eyes, the frown finally making its way onto his face. Nothing gets any better over the next day.  Isak barely comes out of his room and when he does his eyes are strained and his face drawn and pale. His phone is constantly in his hand but it never lights up and he never taps on it the way he has for the last few weeks. It seems like the ‘someone’ Isak’s been seeing has fallen through, then, and that this time it’s worse than the many boyfriends who have come and gone over the last little while.

As evening approaches, Isak slinks out to the kitchen to grab a drink and then makes his way back to his room with his shoulders slumped and his eyes tired.  There’s a part of Eskild that wants to play the fool and the joker, wants to make Isak laugh or tell him to fuck off or do any of the things he usually does. But there’s another part of him that wants to drag Isak into a hug and never let him go.  That part can be an asshole, though, and often ends up with Eskild doing exactly the wrong thing. Still, he thinks as he watches the weary way Isak holds himself as he leaves the room, maybe a little guruing might not be a bad idea.

“I should go help, right?” he asks Linn who’s lying on the other couch watching some game show.

“No,” she says without moving her eyes at all.

“What?” Eskild cries, horrified that she’s not validating his impulses as she usually does.  “Why?”

“Not your business,” she says with another shrug.  

“Okay I’m doing it,” Eskild declares, standing up.  “That boy needs someone to care about him, even if his family won’t.”

Linn rolls her eyes, but Eskild ignores her.  This is  _ important. _  His baby gay is hurting and Eskild needs to know why.  He stands by the door for a few seconds, watching. Isak is clearly deep in one of his research funks.  His hair is standing on end wildly and his back is bowed over his laptop. He leans back in his chair and scrubs his hands viciously over his face, the groan he makes audible from where Eskild is standing.  It’s clear he needs some guru support. And by god Eskild is ready for this. He’s been preparing for it his entire life.

He raps his knuckles gently on the door frame and waits for a reaction.  Isak doesn’t disappoint, gasping out loud as he spins to look at Eskild with wild, anxious eyes.

“Eskild. Fuck.  Don’t scare me like that.”

“Oh, grumpy baby manchild, it’s just so easy and so fun.  You’re like a big dumb cat, always jumping at the smallest noise.”

Charmingly, Isak’s face settles into a scowl.  This is good, Eskild thinks as he takes in Isak’s posture.  This is almost Isak as he usually is. “Is there a reason you’re in my room insulting me?” he demands.

“Oh, not really.” 

Eskild comes in and perches himself on the end of Isak’s bed.  He’s taking in every detail, and while Isak is almost his usual grumpy self there’s something else there.  So Eskild decides to pry. Just a little. “You just seem a little distracted today and I sensed a need for guruing.”

“You’re not my guru,” Isak says, but it’s a rote answer and Eskild can tell he doesn’t mean it.  It almost sounds like Isak is going through the motions, trying to hold up his old facade while something jitters behind it.

Eskild moves so he can see the computer Isak is working and his eyes bug out when he sees what Isak is looking at.  A row of tabs with websites Eskild recognises, or that he can read titles for, and all of them deal with being transgender.

“Baby … child …” Eskild stutters as he stares in awe at the screen.  He’s not even sure how to address Isak right now. ‘Baby gay’ seems so silly when faced with this idea.  Maybe this isn’t about Isak having a ‘someone’ after all. Maybe it’s about  _ this _ instead.  “Is this what I think it is?”

“Oh!” Isak’s face goes bright red, and he shakes his head vigorously.  “No. Nei. It’s not … it’s not me. It’s about E … about a … friend.”

Eskild notices the almost-slip, and smiles.  There  _ is _ a someone then.  But it’s a someone who’s trans.  Someone Isak clearly didn’t know about before.  He’s not going to let Isak know that he knows, though.  It’s obvious Isak thinks he’s been keeping it secret. Eskild smiles, fondly.  This boy is so completely head over heels and he’s been showing it in every action for the last several weeks.  Still. There’s the small issue of why Isak looked so … so unhappy when he came home this evening. There’s more to this than there seemed.

“Okay.”  Eskild nods, realizes that Isak is going to let him do some guruing and tries to contain his glee.  That’s not going to help, even if Eskild is delighted that Isak is finally opening up to him. 

“Eskild?” Isak asks tentatively after a few moments.  “How … I mean, what should I do to … like … support him?”

And Eskild tries, as much as he can, to help.  There are some things he just can’t know, and resolves to find out more about, but he does what he can.  When Isak asks if he’s still gay, Eskild winces inside. But he knows those impulses, remembers his own ignorant younger self asking some dumbass, and often offensive, questions of some very patient people.  So all he does is suggest quietly that Isak maybe not ask that particular question of this particular guy immediately. Not that this man, whoever he is, won’t be as patient with Isak as the people who helped younger Eskild in a similar way.  But given that Isak seems to have tilted whatever frail understanding they have into something flimsy and fragile, and is so clearly worried about how a conversation might go, waiting before he asks  _ that _ question seems like a good idea.

Eskild eventually shrugs, lets Isak talk it out and then makes one final suggestion.  Isak’s stress and fear are palpable. His terror shows on his face throughout their conversation, and Eskild  _ knows _ that feeling.  The first time he approached a guy and asked him if he wanted to have sex Eskild just about threw up from the sheer terror of being rejected.  Even though it was in a gay bar, and the guy had been eyeing Eskild for at least half an hour, and even though that was what Eskild had been assured was the norm for the place, it had been an incredibly hard thing to do.  It’s not hard to imagine that this guy, whoever it is, is probably going to be okay with Isak talking to him about this. After all, he opened the conversation, and told Isak he’s trans. But Eskild can see the familiar fear of ‘what if it goes wrong’ stamped all over Isak’s face.  He squeezes Isak’s hand.

“Talk to him, Isak.  If this friendship is worth it to you … particularly if you want it to be a relationship, then you’ll find a way through.  You both will.”

“Thanks, Eskild,” Isak whispers and Eskild nods his acknowledgement and smiles at Isak as he leaves the room.  He’s done what he can do; now it’s all up to Isak. He smiles to himself a few minutes later as a very determined-looking Isak steps out of the apartment and heads away.  It’s going to be okay, he assures himself. His guruing in this case was totally on point, and there’s no reason to worry that what he said will mess anything up.

 

Eskild’s not intruding, not really.  If he just happens to still be up when Isak gets home a few hours later, that’s just a  _ coincidence; _ Eskild has had lots of important house-cleaning things to do and can’t be blamed if they took him this far into the evening.  

This time Isak floats through the door, a smile dreamy on his face and his eyes soft.  

“Halla, baby gay,” Eskild calls from his perch on the couch where he’s wiping coasters and placing them carefully in alignment along the edge, and Isak startles as if he’s just now realized he’s not alone.

“Hei, Eskild.”

“Good evening, then?”

“Mmm,” Isak says, his smile getting wider as he leans back against the wall.  “It was fine.”

“Everything’s sorted okay?”

“I … yeah,” Isak says, glancing over at Eskild and smiling.  “He was very nice about it all.”

Eskild is dying to know if they talked about the ‘wanting to be in a relationship’ part of Isak’s questions and worries from earlier, but it seems like Isak is going to be infuriatingly silent on the subject.  He wanders into the kitchen humming to himself and Eskild figures he’s just going to have to be content with that. Isak is back to his starry-eyed, soft-edged self from the last few weeks and that’s plenty enough.  Even if Eskild is dying of desperation to know if his baby gay has finally found himself a man after all this time. Or … it’s pretty obvious that Isak has found someone, but is this a serious long-term someone or another of Isak’s casual flings?  That’s the question and that’s the bit Isak’s not answering.

When he comes back into the room, Isak flops down on the couch next to Eskild and puts his feet in his lap.  Startled, Eskild drops his hands to them and rubs. Back when Isak first arrived here and needed support and love, they would often sit like this with Eskild giving his feet a massage while Isak grumbled about something going on at school or with his friends.  But Isak hasn’t done this in a very long time, and the fact that he does it so casually now makes Eskild’s heart ache with a painful nostalgia.

“Eskild?” Isak asks after a few moments, and Eskild hums his acknowledgement while his fingers move on Isak’s feet.  “Thank you. For before, I mean.”

“You’re always welcome,” Eskild says.  He can hear the fondness in his own voice and winces.  He’s becoming such a goddam sap in his old age. But having Isak like this, grown and happy and grateful … well, it’s enough to make a much harder man than Eskild cry.

“I’m so gay,” Isak says after another few moments of silent massaging.   _ “So _ gay.”

“Probably the gayest,” Eskild agrees with a smile.  “But what brought that on?”

“Nothing,” Isak says with another small, secretive smile.  “Just thought I’d say it. You know, since I wondered before.”

“Mmmmm.  This man a delicious specimen, then?” 

Isak’s face flushes as he glances up at Eskild.  “He’s … really fucking gorgeous,” he admits quietly.  “I can’t believe he seems to like me too …” Isak drops his gaze and smiles again, clearly unable to contain his joy.  “Anyway, thank you for making me go talk to him. It was so great.”

Eskild grins at him, but says nothing.  He keeps massaging, lets Isak sink into his own thoughts while he ponders just how proud he is of this boy.  This boy who has put himself out there, and seems to have finally found what he was looking for. Isak’s eyes have gone misty and his head has started to droop.  He’s so near to sleep that Eskild pats his ankle and shakes him a little. Isak grumbles as his eyes blink back into focus and he frowns at Eskild

“My hands are very tired from all this massaging,” Eskild says, grinning at Isak’s grumbled complaint as he stops.  “And you need to sleep.”

Isak hums a tired assent and climbs off the couch.  He starts to move towards his bedroom.

“Isak?” Eskild calls after him, making him stop and turn around.  “I’m happy for you, I hope you know that. And I hope you bring this man of yours to meet us one day.”

Isak’s lips lift into a tiny smile and he nods.  “Thanks, Eskild. I’ll … I’ll see. Maybe when it’s not so new.”

Eskild waves his hand in benediction, making Isak roll his eyes and turn back towards his room.  Eskild gathers his own stuff and heads to his own bed. It’s nice, he thinks. His guruing finally paid off, and that makes him happy.  It’s with a contented smile that Eskild falls asleep, knowing that he did some good today. Knowing that at least one of his ducklings is doing okay, at least in part because of something Eskild did.


End file.
